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Generally I’m not one to fret too much about the ongoing evolution of language. Slang doesn’t bother me; in fact, I was amused and more pleased than not when “bootylicious” made the OED. I’ll generally argue on the side of communicative flexibility in questions of what’s correct (e.g. the begging of questions). And, of course, “embiggen”, “unpossible”, and “cromulent” are, well, perfectly cromulent words in my book.

I’ll admit that I find the chronic misuse of other aspects of our language more irritating. The contraction “it’s” and the possessive “its” just aren’t that hard to keep straight, and the frequency with which I see intelligent and otherwise literate-seeming people use “apostrophe’s” [sic] where none are required continues to baffle me.

I am far from a grammar or language snob, really. I’ve never been an English teacher, and my grammar skills are only passable. I’ll carelessly interchange “I’m doing good” and “I’m doing well”, for example, even though I technically know better. I struggle with “affect” vs. “effect” from time to time, and I probably don’t google for help every time I should, thus occasionally contributing to our language’s slide towards an exclusively phonetic standard of communicativeness. While I happily work with and respect many people who have a copy of Strunk & White on their desk at the office, I don’t even know which shelf contains the copy we have at home.

With all that said, I put gratuitous quotes with “its” vs. “it’s” and errant apostrophes on the list of annoying and common errors. While driving down I-94 earlier in the week, I saw a semi cab with the following painted on the back:

My way “is” the highway

Obviously, this is intended as some sort of amusing twist on “my way or the highway”. Regardless of its humor content (or lack thereof), why in the world is “is” in quotes? “Is” isn’t being discussed, as it is in this sentence. This isn’t a case of using quotes to identify an ironic use of a word (examples here). “Is” is the verb, for crying out loud!

Given the patterns this usage clearly does not fit, I can only assume that the intent of this airbrushing was emphatic, as in “My way is the highway” or “My way is the highway”.

I’ve noticed this use of quotes a fair bit lately, and I think that may have to do with the increasing use of largely plain text communications media (email, IM, text messaging). For some reason, the geek-popular _inline_ _underline_ isn’t very popular (I suppose non-geeks don’t have much use for the underscore). If plain text emphasis without underscores is the goal, I’d personally find *this* approach preferable, as it at least doesn’t overlap with other existing notation.

As I drove down I-94, thinking about the “is” situation, I remembered the sign one of the english teachers in my high school had posted in a hall-facing window every student walked by thousands of times before graduating. The sign read:

A lot is two words.

And I don’t think I’ve ever even paused to consider writing “alot”. The gratuitous quote situation could use similar handling, in my opinion. Just today I saw a sign at a retail clothing store that read:

Buy one, get one “free”

(Is it not really free?)

It’s fortunate, in times like this, that the Internet has decentralized and distributed the power once held only by high school English teachers. Now, thanks to a few minutes with the GIMP and cafepress, “you too” can help spread the word

:

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To start I’ve just made a 3×5″ sticker ($2.49 at cost) – I can easily make other shapes or items available if there’s interest.

 

Sorry, not that kind.

Trashpicts is mesmerizing (as read Rich’s dashlog day continues…).

 

Fresh from Rich’s dashlog, the “Star Wars Character or Hip Hop Artist” quiz. [Rich apparently has blogging standards, causing him to direct small tidbits for which he has no meaningful commentary away from his blog. This post is evidence that, despite the help of del.icio.us, I apparently have no such standards. 🙂 ]

I’m sure it will come as little surprise to anyone reading this that I scored pretty poorly on the quiz — 9 out of 20 (it was suggested that a wookie could do better).

 

I have no comment other than “hi-larious”.

From this week’s Onion: Yes, Sweetie, Mommy’s Heard Of Gil Scott-Heron: “”

 

Received from a coworker via email, this purports to be sentences found in patients’ medical charts. Of course, the accuracy of its origin is impossible to assess, but regardless it’s pretty damned funny:

 - She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
   was very hot in bed last night.
 - Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a
   year.
 - On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
   disappeared.
 - The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears
   to be depressed.
 - The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in
   1993.
 - Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
 - Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but
   forgetful.
 - The patient refused autopsy.
 - The patient has no previous history of suicides.
 - Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
 - Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a
   40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
 - Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
 - Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady
   pregnant.
 - Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you
   might like to work her up.
 - She is numb from her toes down.
 - While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.
 - The skin was moist and dry.
 - Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
 - Patient was alert and unresponsive.
 - Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
 - She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life,
   until she got a divorce.
 - I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for
   physical therapy.
 - Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
 - Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
 - The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
 - The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a
   job as a stockbroker instead.
 - Skin: somewhat pale but present.
 - The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
 - Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we
   should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
 - Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
 - Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
 

Via Bruce Schneier’s blog, this link to a pretty comprehensive and very amusing discussion of various methods to completely destroy the earth. Not cause massive damage, or human extinction, but actually destroy the ball of rock upon which we live.

Fortunately, it’s not easy:

Destroying the Earth is harder than you may have been led to believe.

You’ve seen the action movies where the bad guy threatens to destroy the Earth. You’ve heard people on the news claiming that the next nuclear war or cutting down rainforests or persisting in releasing hideous quantities of pollution into the atmosphere threatens to end the world.

Fools.

The Earth was built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more devastating asteroid hits in its lifetime than you’ve had hot dinners, and lo, it still orbits merrily. So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do NOT think this will be easy.

 

Revealed — after 13 years. Nice touch for the long-term fans. 🙂

 

Very cool optical illusion.

 

A good idea: using the convenience of Amazon’s one-click system to collect for the Red Cross. Bloggers without borders looks neat too (via warrenellis.com nee DPH).

 

… but thank god the kids were out of school for some reason: National Guard F-16 strafes New Jersey elementary school.

As Mike joked, maybe now people will think twice about that bumper sticker about the Air Force needing to hold a bake sale … 🙂

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