Received from a coworker via email, this purports to be sentences found in patients’ medical charts. Of course, the accuracy of its origin is impossible to assess, but regardless it’s pretty damned funny:<\/p>\n
- She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she\n was very hot in bed last night.\n - Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a\n year.\n - On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it\n disappeared.\n - The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears\n to be depressed.\n - The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in\n 1993.\n - Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.\n - Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but\n forgetful.\n - The patient refused autopsy.\n - The patient has no previous history of suicides.\n - Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.\n - Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a\n 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.\n - Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.\n - Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady\n pregnant.\n - Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you\n might like to work her up.\n - She is numb from her toes down.\n - While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.\n - The skin was moist and dry.\n - Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.\n - Patient was alert and unresponsive.\n - Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.\n - She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life,\n until she got a divorce.\n - I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for\n physical therapy.\n - Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.\n - Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.\n - The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.\n - The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a\n job as a stockbroker instead.\n - Skin: somewhat pale but present.\n - The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.\n - Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we\n should sit on the abdomen and I agree.\n - Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.\n - Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities\n<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Received from a coworker via email, this purports to be sentences found in patients’ medical charts. Of course, the accuracy of its origin is impossible to assess, but regardless it’s pretty damned funny: – She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. – Patient […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-57","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-miscellany","category-4-id","post-seq-1","post-parity-odd"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.netfluvia.org\/layer8\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.netfluvia.org\/layer8\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.netfluvia.org\/layer8\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.netfluvia.org\/layer8\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.netfluvia.org\/layer8\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=57"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.netfluvia.org\/layer8\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.netfluvia.org\/layer8\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=57"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.netfluvia.org\/layer8\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=57"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.netfluvia.org\/layer8\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=57"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}